mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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