i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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