did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize