you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
