Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
