if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
