Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize