So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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