Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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