you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
