So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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