yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
