It's Friday. Sex?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
