It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
If I die, sorry about rent.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm both gender and math confused
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
