I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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