omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
