My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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