You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Randomize
