I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
