My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
