everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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