ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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