how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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