Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
