its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
