I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
