Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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