First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
