Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
