My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
