They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Dick very happy bro
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
