If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I think I am morally bankrupt
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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