Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
