I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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