we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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