I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
