Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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