So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
