I've blown a few things in my day
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
