woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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