I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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