Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize