i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
