girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
