my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
