i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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