He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
