I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
