the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
