She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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