Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
