Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
this will be a night to untag.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
