also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I AM VODKA MAN
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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