So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
