i will never coherently bang her
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
