Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
my poor anus
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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