When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
