It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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