i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize