i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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