I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
