I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize