Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
