you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Randomize
