Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
