You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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