did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
