I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
