I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
