Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
