Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
