Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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