best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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