Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
