Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
