I faked an abortion last night.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
