As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
