I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
