i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
