did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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