We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
