the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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