can u get pink eye on your cock?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
