Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
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