We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
