id be glad to
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
