OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
