walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
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