I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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