He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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