We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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