Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize