if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
