He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
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