Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
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