You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
