Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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