Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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