You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
