we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
