He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize