I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
