Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
