That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
