so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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